"A great many tasks are obviously so tricky (landing a plane, overseeing a court case, extracting a tooth) that we have no qualms about accepting that we will have to train for a long time before we give them a go. However, significantly, we haven’t yet added love to this list of ambitions that we would ideally need to train for. We’ve inherited a Romantic perspective that suggests that living successfully with another person – maybe for decades – only depends on two relatively straightforward details: finding ‘the right person’ and experiencing a high degree of mutual passion from the first."
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EXTRACT FROM THE BOOK
Love is a skill, not just an emotion – and in order for us to get good at it, we have to practice, as we would in any other area we want to shine in.
Introduction
The Pledge
"The surest indicator of the success of a relationship is not whether or not there are arguments, moments of fury, stretches of loneliness or incidents of betrayal; it is – quite simply – whether or not two people want to be together."
The Scale of the Ambition
"Part of the reason why relationships can often seem disappointing is that all of us probably have, somewhere in our unconscious, a memory of love having once been very much easier. Think of a newborn baby just after a feed. All its needs have, for now, been taken care of. A primordial bliss descends. It feels united with its parent, satiated, safe and utterly at peace."
Hardback book | 192 pages / 38 essays | 222 x 155 mm | With exercises and room for notes
Love is a Skill, Not Just an Emotion
Couples are guided to have particular conversations, analyse their feelings, explain parts of themselves to one another and undertake rituals that clear the air and help recover hope and passion. The goal is always to unblock channels of feeling and improve communication. Not least, doing exercises together is – at points – simply a lot of fun.
The notion of exercising is well understood in many areas; we should grant that it applies equally to love. No one can be intuitively good at relationships. We all need to do some homework to become the best partners and couples we can be.
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